my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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