I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
