Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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