I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
