it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize