we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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