it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
