She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
