He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
