and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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