Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
