Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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