the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
