Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
