Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
