I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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