i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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