You work out of a Hotel?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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