i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
