Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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