I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dear god my vagina.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
