She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
