can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
