He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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