Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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