Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
