We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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