I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize