i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
