final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize