I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize