I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
