Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want to make out with him forever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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