We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
