do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
