i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
