it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
