Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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