I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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