I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
