Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
