I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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