I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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