I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
