i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
