i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
