Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My hand turned me down
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize