East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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