I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
