Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dear god my vagina.
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