Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
