You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
