My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
