tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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