you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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