Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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