My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
