I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
