I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
