More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
