come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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