Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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