i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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