I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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