I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
