I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
