billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
