I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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